Doctor visit

Hi there everyone.
First I want to say thank you to all of you that have been here for me and have cared and prayed for all of us. Thank you all very much!!
So I went to my most favorite doctor today. I told her my recent family history and I get to have a colonoscopy. If you don't know what that is...Google It...But it will be good for me. It's kinda like when my mom had breast cancer and now I have to get a mammogram every year. I also talked to my Uncle TC (he calls me Mousy) for 2 hours tonight. I miss him. He was always so much fun. We tried to catch up on the last like 10 to 12 years or so but it's late and we got sleepy. So I guess my dad is still about the same. We are waiting for him to go to the doctor. His Dr. has been having many surgeries lately. I'm about to pass out. Good night to all. Love you.

Life Changing

So many of you don't know my whole story of my childhood. So here is your chance to find out and to then find out the rest of the story. This is going to be sometimes shocking and hard for some of you to read so if you think you may not be able to handle it stop now, for I am not going to hold back! I don't feel like it was that bad but when I tell some of the stories to a few of my close friends they say " No Melissa, that's not normal."

When my mom found out she was pregnant with me she had run away to Florida to be with my dad. They were not married. They came back to Tyler, Texas. Some time in there they got married at the justice of the peace. I grew up a little. The first things I can remember is a place I called little school. I can remember little things before that but they don't matter. That place was fun. Except I remember them calling me into the office one afternoon and asking me to pull down my clothes and let them look at my ass. Well, as a child you do what an adult ask you. I don't remember what they found or if they did. I do remember my dad getting really angry and beating my ass for letting them look. I was confused. So I started elementary school. I went to a different school every single year. My dad didn't stay put for some reason and we moved all the time. I was never allowed to have friends because "they" might be against us and out to get us and to harm me. And while I was at home I was in my room. If I walked in front of him he beat me. If I stomped on the floor when I walked he beat me. If he asked me to get him a drink or anything else and I didn't move fast enough he beat me. Those were the small things. Then there was my mom. My wonderful small sweet tender loving mother that all she wanted was peace. My dad would beat her so badly that all I would remember was the blood on her face and body! Her clothes ripped off and her laying on the floor and me wondering if he would come after me next out of anger and if my mom would get up!! Most of time my mom hid it from me, the abuse to her. But I heard. And I spied. And alot of the other beatings were bruises and hair pulling and with the belt across the back and legs and some butt. So that when we went out into public no one would know. And those that did know did nothing. I was a little girl and I didn't know who knew. I thought that we were alone and that I was a bad person and I deserved these things. I was told by my dad that he did this to protect me from others. To make me strong and because he loved me. What?? That's what I said as a child!! As I became older I started to hate him and the world. I tried to kill myself with pills. I failed. My sister was born in 1990 and I heard before she was born my dad say he did not want it!! Kill it!! That hurt my mother. He never really acted like he had much to do with the baby. He loved her still though. Just as he did me. My dad did alot of drugs and he was a crazy man and he hurt alot of people. My mom and dad separated and we ( me and my baby sister and mom) moved to my grandmothers home. My grandmother is the one who raised my mom when her own mother wasn't there to do so!! So she meant alot to us and especially to my mom. We stayed there till the end. I went to high school. Robert E. Lee. HS. I had friends and still do that know what I and my family went through even though they did not live together. He still came out there where we were. He would come out there take and mean TAKE our mom and we didn't know when or if we would see her again. Then he would disappear for a while and all was good and then he would come back like a whirl wind!! He came to my grandmothers and completely tore apart her garden of good fruits and veggies just because he was mad about something stupid. I also remember him coming in and destroying all the dishes in the kitchen and I walked through ( I was in high school) the kitchen as he was throwing a dish and it sliced the back of my leg. I still have that scar!! Well, more time and fighting went by. I learned about anger and things that my dad had done to us through school and friends. I learned that I didn't want to be that way. That didn't mean it wouldn't be hard or poof I was healed. Let me tell you, I had a temper from hell. Ask a friend that knew me well, I would probably kill you if you crossed me. But I hid it!! And I hid it for years and it was because I was ashamed. I had a family also that I haven't mentioned. My dad's mother, let's start there. I love her. She took me for ice cream. She took me to church. So even as a child, I thought to myself how can my dad behave the way he does to me when his mother is so dear to me? She also worked at the high school in the library while I attended and retired just after I graduated just to be with me. OK, After I was all grown up I was tired so tired of my dad hitting us. He came in one day early in the afternoon. He had been looking for me. I could drive so I guess I was just out and about. I didn't get into trouble. I was a good kid. Heck, I was too scared to get into trouble. I was sitting in the recliner at my grandmothers where we still lived. He came up behind me and slapped me in the back of the head so hard. I can't explain to you how hard it was. Then he stood in front of me and began his yelling and cussing he always did. Asking me where I have been. As if I was out doing something so bad that I deserved that. I jumped up and for the first time ever in 17 years yelled back at my father. I yelled and yelled and didn't stop. I told him I was tired of it and I would have him taken to jail. I told him that I was going to kick his ass. ......then I was on the floor with both of his hands around my throat. It went black and I could not breathe. I remember thinking inside my head I might die right here today by my fathers hands!! I looked around as much as I could because I couldn't really see much and there was my baby sister looking straight at me!!! She was about 4 or 5 maybe. I fought a little harder and he let go. I don't really remember where he went or what happened after that. And I think he even gave me yet another black eye that day that I had to go to work with!! Shortly after that I moved out of my grandmothers house with my mothers tears falling!! I never wanted to move away like that. I always wanted to move because I was going to college or because I was getting married. But life doesn't ask you what you want. My mom eventually left my dad in the next year or so. She moved in the middle of the night. She moved to Cisco, Texas. She had met and reunited with her real mother in 1995 I think or so and she moved there to try to be safe and close to them. She took Grandmama with her and my sister. I moved there too soon after. I married. I had two children. Life went on....with out my dad. We received threats along the way here and there. Mostly at the beginning of the divorce. My mom remarried. My sister grew up. I divorced. I remarried. I had another child. My sister graduated. I moved to California. My sister and I always would talk about my dad sometimes. We wondered what he was doing with his life. I had a hard time with things. You see a dad no matter what is your dad. I love and will always love my dad!! Then my mom was letting me know that my grandmother was very sick. I talked with her on the phone. She let me know how much she loved me. I told her that I was coming to see her. She said she was looking forward to that. I told her that I love her very much. My plane landed October 20th 2009 at 710 pm. I drove past her place at 10pm that she slept at every night with the intention of seeing her the next morning. I arrived at my moms house at 1015 pm. We received a phone call at 1020 pm telling us that my grandmother had passed at around 10 pm. The same time I passed by her in the car!!! I had asked God to just wait for me to get there at least before he took her. I should have been more specific! We went up to the assisted living home and sat next to her in the bed and I am at peace about it. It happened this way for a reason I told myself and my mom. I said, I am here for you now. I can be here to help you and for the funeral. The funeral was on Thursday October 22nd 2009 at 2pm. It was so wonderful yet sad. She will always be remembered and loved. I was to leave on my plane on Friday the next morning. But you see my mom had been trying to get ahold of grandmamas son this whole time to let him know about his mother, but couldn't. When we got back later that evening she had like 5-7 messages on her machine from his wife. She assumed it was about her daddy calling about his mother passing. Partly it was and partly it wasn't. She was also calling to let her know to tell me and my sister about our dad. He was dying. And he only had 2 weeks to live. Well, she let us know. I had a mental breakdown. We just buried our grandmother so dear to us that protected us from him and now he is dying. I love him but yet I had feelings that I didn't know how to express without feeling guilty. So all I did and all I knew to do was just cry till I couldn't cry any more. His dying wish was to see his two little girls. Ok, right then, I thought, well, he's gunna get his wish!! No matter what!! I got on the phone and I just knew it was going to cost 5 million to change my plane ticket. It was free. And it took me a couple of times to get through. My phone kept hanging up. The first time someone did tell me 150 dollar fee. Then the phone disconnected. But the last person I talked to said its free. Weird. So I went to bed after I made all the phone calls including the one to my dad telling him I was coming with my sister. The phone call I wasn't sure would ever happen. We got up the next morning on Saturday. My mom drove me to my sisters. My sister Crystal, myself and her boyfriend Joe all loaded up and drove to Tyler, Texas. Now remember all those things that we last remember of our dad? Those things came up on the way there. We got alot nervous about meeting him so much that we almost wanted to tell like the police where we going or something just to be safe!! I mean I didn't tell every single thing my dad has done and he had guns, even, so we were like is he going to shoot us or something??!! Well, I did let my best friend know the number and address. So we went on. It was beautiful. My dad was peaceful. And is a changed man. Changed where he is not violent. He is still very talkative as he always was just like I remember. It's like he took all the bad things and left all the great. He is a funny and entertaining man. He has God. He told us about God. I know God but not how he knows God. I want to know God how he does. Before these series of events I was asking myself about why the world is the way it is today. Why does God let these things happen. Is there a God? I questioned that! I don't question that anymore. I am not perfect and I will never be perfect. My dad was not perfect. He is suffering now for what he did and he had to suffer for years for what he put other people through. He didn't care about God's ways then. But he does now. He told us so many things. You're wondering if he apologized. He did. Alot with tears. We accepted them. I accept them. I hold nothing against my dad. Everything my dad did is over and is in the past. I feel like my dad really didn't know better. He was sick and needed help and NOBODY HELPED!! My mom tried to help. But it just wasn't enough. What he needed was God but my dad needed to do that. But it took him 53 years!! Now he's dying of cancer in his intestines and it has spread all over to his kidneys, bladder, colon, and stomach. He is in the most pain all the time. Any time he eats, go to urinate or have a bowel movement it tears his insides up. I saw the blood in the toilet. It is very sad after over 10 years to see your dad that way!! But everything happens for a reason and this is how my life happened. I love my dad and he loves me. And there is a God!!! I just want you to know that!